


The Cleaning of 173's Cell

by Lizardman Xander (Lizardman_Xander)



Series: Adventures of Jeremy Blaike, SCP Janitor [2]
Category: SCP Foundation
Genre: It contains poop, It's more of a comedy tbh than anything spicy, Just so you know., This is kind of gross actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-26 00:57:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20035213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizardman_Xander/pseuds/Lizardman%20Xander
Summary: Some unfortunate janitors go in to clean up 173's containment cell.





	The Cleaning of 173's Cell

It was early in the morning when our janitorial hero, Jeremy, was called down to his station, 5:00am to be exact. The young man gave a heavy sigh and suited up; slipping on a grey jumpsuit, black steel-toed boots, and his glasses. He didn't have time for a shower because this was apparently rather urgent. Before leaving, he grabbed his key card, wallet, ID, and some of his personal supplies that he didn't care to share with his fellow staff. He kept his head down as he passed by various security teams and personnel. They'd always made him rather nervous even though he'd never done anything wrong, it wasn't like he was a D-class worker who was brought in from some prison of some sort. Nope, he was just boring 23 year old Jeremy Blaike who decided to drop out of college after a mental breakdown and join up with this shady company to become one of their janitors. He really didn't think it would be this dangerous of a job. He thought it would be in some cushy office or something, but nope, it was a lab, a facility with various unholy monstrosities that gave him nightmares most nights.  
When he entered in the main janitor's office to receive his assignment he noticed two other guys there. He recognized one to be named Rob? Or was it Bob? Whatever, it wasn't important. The other was a newer guy he hadn't seen before. He honestly felt sorry for the new guy, noticing how twitchy he was. He faced forward and was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a throat being cleared before the man in front of them spoke.  
"So, you three managed to win the luck of the draw to clean SCP-173's containment cell this time. Before you head out to its cell, you will be briefed on what this thing is and does. Make sure to read the forms I am handing to you on safety procedures for the anomaly in question, but I am also supposed to just tell you," the guy sighed out, looking annoyed because of the protocol he had to follow. He figured these men should at least be smart enough to read so why did he have to tell them? He continued with, "Eye contact must be maintained at all times, and you are to call out when you are going to blink, when you are about to sneeze, or just about for any other action that may make you lose eye contact with 173. If 173 is not looked at, it will move, and it will try to snap the neck of the closest person. Are we all clear?? Now, we are going to close and lock the doors behind the three of you, please let us know when you are finished even though we will be watching."  
Jeremy swallowed hard and looked at the other two men in the corner of his eye, the newer guy was shaking while Rob was just as chill as ever. He had no idea how he remained so calm. He gave a nod and reply that he understood.  
"Wonderful, you three will have fifteen minutes to get ready and over there. We called you in early because we have a test later on today with 173, and we don't want to reschedule it. You three should have plenty of water provided by the hose we brought in for you attached to a faucet just inside the chamber. Good luck,"the suit sighed without even a hint of emotion or care for them before leaving to do God knows what. Once the guy was gone, Jeremy got to work looking over the papers and gathering needed supplies to load up the cart they'd be using to transport their equipment. Rob was quite helpful while the new guy just sort of stood there, shaking like Jeremy's mom's chihuahua. Jeremy just shook his head and started to push the cart.  
"Can you two help me with doors?"he asked as he pushed the cart while the other two followed him. Jeremy just wanted to get this over and done with.  
Once they were at 173's cell, they were let in. Jeremy recoiled at the scent of feces and blood, but managed not to vomit this time...unlike poor newbie who made yet another stinking puddle for them to clean up.  
"Gross, dude,"Rob tisked out, shaking his head, "You're in charge of cleaning that." The disgruntled older man pointed at newbie's mess before getting to work himself, making sure to keep an eye on the thing. Jeremy also kept an eye on it while newbie cleaned up the first third of the place, muttering to himself.  
Things went rather smoothly as they worked which was a relief to all involved, none of them had died yet, but there were some slips and tumbles made by newbie while he cleaned. Rob was rather seasoned at this point so his part went by swiftly, and Jeremy had a lot of respect for him to have lasted this long. Jeremy wasn't surprised that he was left with the worst part of it, cleaning right up close to the thing. He grimaced as he put his gloves and goggles on. At least he had put peppermint extract into his face mask that morning while getting ready so the smell wasn't as bad as it could be. This shit was oily, no pun intended, and he wondered what the fuck this thing ate. It was like it only ate Taco Bell, White Castle, and Chipotle for every meal. He didn't think that there would be enough bleach or soap in the world for this job. Hell, he knew he'd have to just about boil his hands after this even though he was wearing gloves. He grimaced at the soft squelching and squishing noises everything made when he had to get on his hands and knees to manually scrub at a hard to reach spot close to 173.  
That's when it happened, Rob called out he was going to blink, and right as he did, newbie let out a sneeze. Jeremy had a moment of panic when the two closed their eyes, he wasn't exactly looking at the statue. He thought he was absolutely fucked until a torrent of red brown rocketed right out of where 173's butt would be, spraying and absolutely covering Jeremy. The statue wasn't done, and in the blink of an eye most of everything within a meter distance behind it was covered in the foul smelling, oily, red-brown liquid shit. Jeremy was glad to be alive even though he was sure he would never get all of this shit off of him.  
Then it hit him harder than any shit ever could...He'd have to clean all of this up and hose himself off and then clean that up. Jeremy remained on his knees for a few seconds as he just started to cry. He couldn't help it, he just started bawling right there in front of the other two who hadn't moved at all to help him or anything. Rob looked very guilty though at least, but he was sure he was going to kill the newbie because he could hear him snickering like the absolute fucking bastard he was. It took Jeremy about half an hour to finish up, mainly because he was frantically trying to be sure he got everything off of himself, making sure to spray the newbie with some of the dirty water that was coming off of himself in the process. Once everything was clean though, they were allowed to leave the much better smelling, cleaner containment cell. He looked back at 173 as he left and glared at it before running to the employee communal showers to boil his skin under the hot water that came out of the spray head. While he spent time scrubbing himself raw under the burning trickle of water that came down, he thought about what he was gonna do with newbie...Well, he learned his name was Steve. Fucking Steve... Jeremy was going to do something in revenge for him laughing at him....But what?

**Author's Note:**

> While I do have an account with the wiki, I am too much of a weenie to post it there. Also this isn't meant to be a 100% serious story...Though I will write a serious story with Jeremy in the future.
> 
> Also to anyone who read this....I am so sorry.


End file.
